A few set backs...

Wow, what a crazy emotional roller coaster these last couple weeks have been!!!  I left off with my last blog the night before Anya's surgery.  According to Dr. Dobbs, Anya did really well during surgery and he was able to do the soft tissue releases that was necessary.  We had to stay overnight so Anya could be observed and make sure she did well with the casting.  From the start her left foot was looking great.  Great color 
and no swelling.  The right foot was quite the opposite.  The foot was very swollen and tinged purple.  We (Myself, Anya's dad and step-mom), continually brought our concerns to the nurses, the nurse practitioner, and to Dr. Dobbs orthopedic  team.  We were continually 

Anya wanted sissy to sleep with her

told to elevate and keep cold packs around the cast.  The swelling we were told was completely normal and that there have been times when it swells so quickly that blisters develop.  We continually checked the capillary refill as did everyone else.  We were not happy with the refill time as it was more than 2 seconds...it was closer to 3 and Anya's toes did not appear to be improving as they were still very swollen and a little more purple than before.  All the while Anya was a trooper, full of smiles and playing.  Poor thing was so exhausted though by the end of the day.  She was afraid to go to sleep.  We were figuring it was because when she went to sleep that morning, she woke up with casts on her legs and she woke up without anyone familiar being there.  We kept reassuring her, and asking if she was ok.  Later on that day, she and I were having some one on one time and she came up with baby thumb and mommy thumb.  She started talking about how baby thumb was feeling, and wanted mommy thumb to respond back to her.  She said baby thumb was scared to sleep, and mommy thumb reassured her that we were all there for her, that she would not be left alone, that when she went to sleep and woke up again one of us would be there.  Later on Daddy came in and she did the same with him with her baby thumb and Daddy thumb and wanting his reassurance as well.  God was there with us, working in us loving on Anya, each of us gracefully giving each other time with Anya....loving on her.  We each of us communicated well and showed consideration to the other.  They still had a hotel room, so they offered to go ahead and go back there Tuesday night to allow me to stay overnight with Anya.

  On Wednesday the ortho team came in again at 5:30 am....Anya was so tired from the day before that she didn't even wake when they came in.  Beth, a woman on the ortho team seemed a little concerned about Anya's feet and had taken pics and came back about 30 minutes later saying Dr. Dobbs wanted Anya's right cast to be loosened up a little. They brought a tool in to separate and emphasized again to keep elevating the cast and keeping the cold packs around the cast.  Anya's Dad and @--> were not able to get there that early for their first visit, so I made sure that the ortho team would make their way back around as I knew we all still were not happy with how Anya's foot was looking.  Especially since we had been making sure that Anya's feet stayed elevated with the cold packs around the casts.  We saw someone with the ortho team at least 3 times that morning and each time they said that things were fine.  So we trusted in that.

We also saw Dr. Traxel, Anya's urologist.  She came by Anya's room to go over the results of the urodynamics and the ultrasound from Monday.  She said unfortunately, increasing her ditropan  (helps the bladder walls to relax) didn't improve the amount of pressure/strain the bladder is under.  Her suggestion is to increase her meds some more and come back in a month to do another urodynamic on the bladder to see if there's improvement.  If there is great, we can continue on that.  However, she is not too optimistic as the increase that we had done in Sept. didn't yield very positive results.  So, she gave us some options and things to think about as to what to expect in the next few years with Anya urologically.  The less invasive next option would be to do botox injections into the bladder wall. This would help the wall of the bladder to become more stretchy so there is less pressure/strain and of course that means less risk of reflux.  Going this route also means that she most likely would not have to take the ditropan anymore as the botox would be doing what the meds were supposed to.  A couple of downsides to this is that Anya would have to be put under anesthesia each time, and the length of time that the injections would be effective is anywhere between 6-12 months.  She said each child is different so it's hard to say at first how frequently we'd have to go.  In addition we'd have to go back up a month after the injection to have another urodynamic done on the bladder to see if the injections are working. That would only have to be down the first couple of times once it becomes established that the injections are working.  Again, every child is different in how they respond so there is no guarantee that this option would work.  A few positives is again it's a lot less invasive, it's considered out patient so it's a 1 day trip, and it's painless.  Also, there has been no indications of any negative side effects of the botox injects urologically. Granted Dr. Traxel said, that this is a relatively new treatment and has been done in the last 10 years, so there's not a lot of long term research.    The third option if the botox injections are not effective, is the more invasive one.  It's not something that would be considered til Anya is a little bit older more like 1st or 2nd grade.  It would be a bladder augmentation with a Mitrofanoff.  Basically, with the bladder augmentation the bladder would be cut open so that it's like a 'V' shape and a rectangular portion of the intestines would be cut out and sewn on top of the bladder.  This would make the top part of the bladder nice and stretchy, but would take time to heal.  At the same time part of the appendix would be removed as it make a natural 'straw' to make a kind of tunnel between the bladder and the skin of the belly.  This procedure is called a Mitrofanoff.  The opening on the skin of the belly many times is created in the folds of the belly button and this small opening is called a stoma.  Dr. Traxel said this particular stoma is usually flush with the skin and does not protrude and is often as small as a straw opening.  This opening would be used for Anya to be able to self-catheterize herself and be able to gain greater independence and have less limitations.  The healing process is quite involved though as once after surgery a catheter would have to remain in the Mitrofanoff opening and a suprapubic tube will be inserted as well to help keep the bladder empty as the augmentation part heals.  This part can take anywhere between weeks to 3 months in which these tubes would have to be left in.  Also, because part of the intestines is being used on the bladder, the intestines naturally produce mucous.  So the bladder will have to be daily irrigated to flush out that mucous. If this is not done there is increased risk of infections, stones or the catheter being plugged up.  Also, long term inflammation has shown (after 20-30 years) higher risk for bladder cancer.  Again, that is with those who did not maintain good self-care.  Dr. Traxel said that it would be expected that Anya would be in the hospital for at a minimum a week if there's no complications. So, on top of all the concern we were already experiencing with Anya's right foot, we have all this piled on top.  It was a lot to take in, and it's one of those things that we are going to have to just take one day at a time, continue to pray for the best results, and trusting in Our Mighty God that no matter what:  "For He knows the plans He has for her,” “plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future."  

 

We were able to leave at about 12:30, and the ride home was uneventful.  I didn't start to become extremely concerned about Anya's right toes until Thurs early afternoon.  During all this time I had been continually updating Anya's dad and @--> via text and with pictures.  By the afternoon Anya's toes had become very purple.  I had her foot elevated above her heart the whole day but had only one ice pack on the cast.  I added two more and had her lay flat on her back and tried to move the positions of her leg while keeping above her heart.  I called  Dr. Dobb's medical assistant, but there was no answer so left a message.  I emailed Dr. Dobbs and sent pics of how Anya had been positioned with pics of Anya's toes and a two videos of the capillary refill which was 3-5 seconds. I emailed him again about an hour and a half later since I had not heard from him and showed him an updated pic of Anya's toes and there was some improvement but the toes themselves were still quite purple.  I called the Medical Assistants number again and took down the number for the orthopedic doctor on call and spoke to a nurse  I explained what was going on that Anya's foot has been elevated above her heart all day and was all night, and cold pack are around her cast, but her toes are still very purple with little to no improvement.  She said the on call doctor would call me soon.  During this time I sent Anya's Dad and @--> the email I sent to Dr.Dobbs and the updated pic, I let them know I was waiting for the on call doctor. They of course was also freaking out.  I was so very frazzled and anxious.  I have a very hard time focusing on anything else except for that task of trying to communicate with the dr's and seeing to Anya.  I received the call from the on call doctor within about 20 minutes and explained everything.  He also explained that the swelling was normal, and that if there was improvement to keep doing what I was doing, and to wait for Dr. Dobbs to respond back.  He said do not take her to the er as they do not deal with specialized cases like Anya's with the pediatric side of things.  Shortly after his call I got an email from Dr. Dobbs: 

I agree that it does look better overall.  From the picture the big toe looks the worst to me.  Please send me an updated picture and keep up the elevation.  If things don’t look better you can come in tomorrow and we can loosen the cast some more.

I think with time we are going to be fine but keep me posted with pictures.

Thanks 

Matthew Dobbs, MD

I sent him another email again expressing my concerns and possibly going to the er here and he replies:  Though pictures on a perfect assessment the toes look fine still to me.  I would keep watching this and send me pictures periodically as needed.  Keep elevated and change positions to see if different positions are better.  I would be concerned that someone local will not be able to help much except for taking the cast off which we want to avoid if possible. Just keep me posted and let me know what you are comfortable with.  I’m fine with how the toes look at this stage.
Thanks

 Matthew Dobbs, MD

I was still very worried, as nothing really seems resolved. I'm concerned that he can't really see how bad her toes are getting in the pictures.  I let him know that Anya will be with her dad and step-mom over the weekend and will make sure they get in touch with him Friday and with more pics first thing in the morning.  Anya is still scared to go to sleep by herself and she want's her sissy Tory to sleep with her....  

Friday morning comes along and Anya's toes still look bad.  I leave for work at 7 am with Tory and Anya, keeping her foot elevated in the car along the way.  I convey to @--> that she needs to get in touch with Dr. Dobbs that Anya's foot is unchanged and it's possible that Anya will need to go back up to St. Louis.  That she will need to keep Dr. Dobbs updated with pics and that he's really good to respond back within an hour or two.  That morning @--> kept me posted with pics and called a couple times needing the number to Dr. Dobbs medical assistant and to let me know what was going on with Anya's toes.   I get a call from Dr. Dobbs himself around 11:30 telling me that Anya needs to be brought up to St. Louis that day and the top part of her cast needs to be taken off. I explain that Anya is with her step-mom right now and she would have to take the top part off.  He said it needs to come off now and wants her up there in St. Louis right away. @--> Then calls and said that Dr. Dobbs walked her through it and she basically just tore the top part of the cast off.  Dr.Dobbs asked her if the color was improving with it off in which @--> said no, that everything was still the same.  He said to her also that Anya needed to come up to St. Louis and even though he was off, he would make sure to be there between 4and 5 when they would be expected to arrive.   I then get a call from Anya's dad with him saying that he's trying to get off work.  I tell him I'm off at noon and I can go on over to their house and help.  He said that he's going to be on his way.  That was one of the hardest things to do.  I'm wanting to take care of Anya myself...cause I'm her momma...I've always taken care of her.  I also know it's important for Anya's Dad to be able to take care of her and be there for her.  If we were still married it could possibly have been both of us going up there, but most likely it still would have been one or the other as one would need to work and look after the kids and I would trust in him to take care of her.  Even though we are divorced it's essentially the same, Anya's Dad and step-mom would be taking her to St. Louis making sure she is being cared for.  As a mom it is difficult to still entrust the care of your child to someone else.  So, Since last Friday Anya has been at Children's Hospital in St. Louis and most likely will be there until this Thurs.  It was discovered that Anya actually had a hematoma in the incision site.  Anya has been under anesthesia two more times getting her incision flushed out and this last time, yesterday, Dr. Dobbs has tried to sew her up the rest of the way but her foot was still too swollen, which is why he's wanting to wait til Thursday so some of the swelling can decrease.   Dr. Dobbs has been extra vigilant in his care with the precautions he's taking in making sure the hematoma is completely gone and that there's no infection.  Hopefully the swelling will be down enough to be able to sew up Anya's foot the rest of the way.  

I have to admit that being away from my daughter while she's been scared, with there being uncertainty with her foot, with all the poking and prodding, I have struggled.  I have felt so much anxiety, worry, and an aching in my heart to have my baby girl close.  To give her comfort, love on her and snuggle her.  I know a lot of that is for my own comfort. I know this is about trusting God and knowing He's taking care of her.  I know she's being loved on and cared for by her Dad and step-mom, that she is not lacking.  I'm so thankful that we have all been able to be there for her.  We have each of us played a part in taking care of her during this journey, making sure she has gotten the care that she needed.  This isn't about us, or our own self-glory, but how God will be glorified in this.  How the prayers that's been lifted up will show who HE is and how He's been there through all of this and how through all of this His light will shine through us, and Anya to others.  That is my prayer.  Thinking about these things reminds me of a verse: "As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ" "Now the body is not a single part, but many" " But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, 25so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. 26If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy"1Corinthians 12.   

What I do as Anya's mom is important, as what  my husband Josh does, and what Anya's Dad and step-mom does.  We each have our parts with this thing of shared custody.  Our main purpose for all of us is to love our kids, to be there for them, to at times entrust the care of our child to the other...the other parts so that 'All the parts share its joy'  My friend Marci said this, and it's a great reminder for me when I my heart struggles with what my mind already knows, ". I know as a momma it is difficult to let someone else stand in the place you feel only you should be standing. And in all rights, that's right! But because of life's strange and even unfortunate circumstances, that can be taken from us. You are obviously an exceptionally loving mom, and you're a beautiful woman of God. If it's an encouragement, let's remember together that our children are really His children, he has all possession of them.  No man or even ourselves, so that being said our children have the best.

This was the first picture I had emailed to Dr. Dobbs

This was an hour and a half later still waiting on a reply from Dr. Dobbs.

This was rigt after @--> ripped the cast off

This is when Anya first arrived at the Childrens Hospital ER

Dr. Dobbs has flushed out a lot of the hematoma but she's not in the clear yet

The swelling is going down, the black spot is where a blister was removed so what's behind is like a scab.  The purple discoloring is blood under the skin like a blood blister.

Little blessings

I've experienced a lot of little blessings today. So firstly I give thanks to God! The drive up to St. Louis wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm so thankful for all the prayers for travel mercies I know they are the reason why I had an event less trip! There were some crazy drivers out, semi's cutting cars off" cars tailgating semi's....crazy in this kind of weather!

All morning it was up in the air if we'd have someone who'd be able to do the urodynamic profile on Anya. At 11:30 I was told no one was likely able to make it in. I was prepared and expecting having to reschedule this appt even though it would have also been a bit more of a hassle and then trying to schedule to meet with Dr. Travel the urologist. The Lord blessed again and 5 min later I got a call and Rachael, one of the nurses who can do the urodynamic was able to make it in!!  I was late getting to the 1:00 appt, but we got there safely and it was slow at the hospital, so we got right in!! It took about 10 min to get the ultrasound done on Anya's kidneys.  Then we went up to urology to get the urodynamic profile done. Again we were able to go right on in!!  Rachael was amazing with us and Anya. She said that the pressures look to be about the same as in September, which really isn't good. There didn't appear to be improvement, but she would need Dr. Traxel to look at it to see what she would suggest. Where most kids Anya's age should be able to hold about 6oz of urine Anya can only do less than 4. And her bladder is still showing too much pressure before it should. There are some possible options...but I'm going to wait til later to post about that. And, initially we thought that one of us would have to leave Anya to see Dr. Traxel tomorrow at 10:15, Rachael assured us that we shouldn't have to leave Anya and that she was sure Dr. Traxel would come see Anya in her room. That would be awesome!!! So, in general the news wasn't great, but not worse...so I'm thankful for that and for how awesome Rachael was in taking care of us and Anya.

We got done with that appt by about 3:15.  Anya's dad asked if they could take Anya for the night. I understand his need to be with her, as I felt the same. I expressed that I'd like her with me for the night, that I'm staying on the hospital campus, that I have prepared and had the expectation of caring for her. I expressed my feelings while also trying to be considerate of his knowing he needed time with Anya. He seemed to understand which I had been afraid that he wouldn't.  I also offered that he and @-- > take Anya and spend some time with her and invited them to come back around 6 or 7 to eat dinner together. I want to take a special moment here to say that @--> was amazing today. She made sure that me and Anya's dad were able to be there for Anya. It was obvious she was trying to take great care to do that. I can't tell you how that consideration completely releases that need to feel defensive and how it just opens you up. At least it does with me. God was definitely working in all of us because we wet all open, and communicating well, and I felt no stress. Again thank you all for those prayers, cause they work!!  They had a great time with Anya, and we had an enjoyable meal. And Anya was obviously loving it. So many little but big blessings in this paragraph!!

Also got to meet a lovely lady I felt compelled to talk with before we ate, as she was with her daughter who has cerebral palsy. It was so comfortable talking with her and talking about our daughters. They both also see Dr. Dobbs.  Such a blessing from God to gift me with a friend:)

And I've been so blessed with this special time with Anya tonight...really getting to enjoy her with no other distractions like knowing there's laundry that I should be doing or things to be straightening up....

I pray for good restful sleep for the both of us. An easy awakening in the morning for Anya and me:) For things to go smoothly in the morning and for Anya and her 3 parents who love her!!,

Thank you to a good friend who shared thiserfwct verse!! Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in church and in Chriat Jesus to all generations forever and ever... Ephesians 3:20-21

His Perfect Timing

I started to write this yesterday, but got to feeling so bad I couldn't finish.  Being sick was set back #1.  It has prevented me from getting to see my kindred.  I was hoping to catch up with her with some late night chats, yummy coffee with some Milano cookies.  To have that warm comfort of sharing, her knowing without me always having to explain, and that complete understanding.  I was looking forward to some downtime and a little 'me' time before the Dr. appts and surgery.  I hope and pray I will be energized enough by Monday.  On the flipside though (because I do always try to find the positive side)  I get to spend a couple more days with my husband (which he's happy about), he had a little extra time to get the oil changed in the car without being rushed, and I have gotten to spend a little bit more time with Tory. 

So earlier today I checked the weather and forecast models showed 6-9 in of snow in St. Louis for the weekend and only about 4" in Rogersville.  So my plan was to leave Sunday morning before the snow got really heavy in St. Louis and stay over since the hotel I'm staying at Monday is right next to Childrens.  Well, the hotel was sold out for Sunday because of all the stay overs in anticipation for the storm.  And now I get the latest update that the predictions for snow are even more than originally predicted.  So, that is set back #2.  I will try to leave Monday sometime, but there's a good chance I'll have to cancel Anya's urology appts. 

All this to get to my original reason for posting, which is about Anya's surgery.  I had unexpectedly heard from same day surgery yesterday.  I was lead to believe I'd be hearing from them Monday, but I was happy to have heard from them yesterday.  I'm a planner, so knowing a little bit more ahead of time was nice.  Anya is scheduled for her surgery at 6:15.  At least that is when we need to check in for her surgery.  The nurse said Tuesdays at that time is busy, so only two people in the waiting area.  When Anya gets done with surgery, only one parent allowed in at a time.  They prefer the parents to be involved with her care such as with her catheterizations and such.  I'm thinking we will have to be on a schedule to allow for time for each parent.  A parent will also be allowed to stay overnight with Anya as well.  I pray for good communication, for us not thinking of ourselves, but for what is good for Anya.

The urologist had also called me yesterday. The lady that does the urodynamic profile on the kidneys is out of town and is supposed to come back Monday.  But because of weather she may not make it in, so the urodynamic part may be cancelled anyway. That could potentially be rescheduled Wednesday when Anya should hopefully be able to be checked out, depending on how she is doing.  The doctors will have to communicate also to see if she'd be up for that or not. 

All this seems like a lot of planning, on my part and the doctors.  What it all comes down to ultimately is God's perfect timing.  He's the one orchestrating everything, and He knows the best time for everything.  I need to trust and have security in that. 

Anya's Surgery

The day is quickly approaching when Anya will have her first major surgery since she was born on her feet.  I've tried not to think about it too much as I'd start a ripple effect of worrying. So many things.  Worrying is not what God wants me doing.  He wants me to lean on Him, to trust that she will be taken care of and held onto by His very capable hands.  So what have I done instead? I put those pesky worries and fears into a room in my mind and locked the door.  With Anya's surgery coming up next Tuesday, the worries and fears are not staying where I want them.  And God continues to be patient with me. So, I begin reaching out to him, praying....sharing with Him what I'm so worried and fearful about.

Anya actually has her first appointment on Monday in the Urology department.  This is a follow-up appointment from her last one in September where the doctors expressed concern about her left kidney being significantly smaller than her right.  They felt it was as a result of her past two UTI's especially since they were so severe, that it had created scarring and has affected the normal growth of the kidney. So, they are wanting to do a follow-up and will do another ultrasound on the kidney, then do a video urodynamic profile on the kidneys.  The latter is where they will insert a catheter and empty out the bladder, then fill it back up again to see at what point the bladder is showing strain, and also to see if there is evidence of reflux.  Anya had evidence of a slight reflux issue a couple years ago on her left kidney.  I'm praying all goes well with this visit.  I am discouraged and a little fearful though since Anya is still currently recovering from an UTI. It's her first one in two years. The not knowing drives me crazy, but boy does it drive me to seek God all the more.

Anya's surgery for her feet is on Tues. I won't get a call until Monday to be told what time her surgery will be.   I will most likely be staying in a hotel that Monday night with Anya.  I'm going to be going up by myself as Josh will be taking care of the rest of the kiddos. I'm so thankful for him. So thankful he's there to help the kids maintain their normal routines.  I hate being apart from any of the kiddos any length of time.  And Tory, she can be quite the little worrier as well. It's also going to drive me crazy to be without Josh, and I have to admit to being a little anxious not to have him by my side while I wait through Anya's surgery, to have his comfort and the strength he brings.  Leaning on God even more....  The procedure that Anya will be having is on the medial part of each foot, starting on the side of the big toe going back toward the heel up alongside the inside part of the ankle.  The purpose in all this is to help release the muscles and tendons that is making the foot tight and turn in so that it will hopefully flatten out more and rotate out better.  I know in my mind that she will make it through this just fine. And from my own experience as I had this done on my own feet when I was Anya's age.  I still can't help but to think of things like her comfort and her fears, about outside influences like if there's an adverse reaction to the anesthesia, and the imagination can just go crazy from there and I have to just stop.  The doctors are also wanting to keep her overnight to make sure she is doing ok.  I don't want her alone one moment.  I want to be there for her every moment.  So, in that lies another big worry and fear.

This is a touchy subject, because this part involves my ex-husband and his wife who had also been a close friend ( She'll be @->- ).  My struggles and growth in my relationship with them has brought me so much closer to God in understanding His infinite love for me and for them.  I have no desire to speak badly of them at all.  God has brought about within me a level of forgiveness, understanding, love that definitely doesn't come from me but Him.  Even with that I have my own human struggles.  I pray continually for His help in growing me more deeply, loving while still protecting myself and having healthy boundaries.  To be honest I struggle most with @->-.  I know she loves my girls.  We did stuff as a family together all the time.  They love her.  I also know she has her own insecurities, fears, struggles, things she's working on.  I try to put things from their perspective  so that I will give them consideration, and treat them the way I'd like to be treated with the girls.  In her love for my girls there have been many times when consideration hasn't been given, or boundaries were crossed.  Hey, I haven't been perfect either...this is a work in progress.  I know that is something she is working on.  She's never been a step-parent before.  I've been a step-parent for 9 years and am once again to two kiddos.  It can be an unappreciated role.  I don't want that for her. So here it is, I'm still worrying about those boundaries and consideration when we're at the hospital.  I worry about being pushed aside.

Anya is going to have 3 parents with her that love her very much, to give her the support that she needs.  I need to focus on that.  Cause really...I'm focusing on the fact that I'm her Mommy and I want to be by her side.  Anya needs all of us.  God has placed all of us in Anya's life for a reason, and we are all her caretakers for just a little while...taking part in helping her to grow in her relationship with the Lord, teaching her His ways.  It's so hard to get past a mama's instincts. I pray for love, consideration, kindness, grace in our relationships.   I pray for healing for Anya, knowledge to the doctors, the best possible results in every way

Getting Started...

I have been feeling an urge for awhile now to express my thoughts and experiences more in depth in regard to my past, the present and future.  So I'm going to try this blogging thing out and try to let this be a way to allow God to use me in some way in regard to my testimonies.  I want to be real and transparent about my personal thoughts, experiences and struggles.  In saying that I feel that a few things need to be said if I'm putting my thoughts out there.  I'm in no way setting out to offend anyone, judge anyone, or talk badly about anyone.  I'm am first accountable to God and will do my utmost to express accordingly and keep his word close to my heart:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8


“THE GIANT STEP IN THE WALK OF FAITH IS THE ONE WE TAKE WHEN WE DECIDE GOD NO LONGER IS A PART OF OUR LIVES. HE IS OUR LIFE.”

― Beth Moore, Praying God's Word Day by Day
 “Sometimes the worst conditions can often provide the best atmosphere to act in faith. God doesn't want our confidence regulated by our audience. If faith-discouragers can shake our confidence badly enough to disable us, our confidence may be in ourselves instead of God.”
― Beth Moore
 “If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner.”
― Beth Moore
 “As long as we live, our self-absorption and our insecurity will walk together, holding hands and swinging them back and forth like two little girls on their way to a pretend playground they can never find. Human nature dictates that most often we will be as insecure as we are self-absorbed. The best possible way to keep from getting sucked into the superficial narcissistic mentality that money, possessions, and sensuality can satisfy and secure us is to deliberately give ourselves to something much greater...[Christ] showed us that giving, rather than getting, is the means to receiving...to find yourself, your true self, you must lose yourself in something larger.”
― Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity: You've Been A Bad Friend To Us